Trying to have a healthy relationship with the person you love can be frustrating if you've never had an example to guide you.
For example, if you've come from a home where your parents didn't have a healthy relationship, you have no example to go by ... so how can you ever have the chance at creating a healthy relationship?
If you're curious about this, here are a few key points of a healthy relationship which were gathered from interviews with people who had been married for 30 years or more.
Great relationships always have open communication where each person feels safe to express what they're thinking or feeling without fear of being judged by the other person.
The communication is consistent and both parties are always committed to understanding the other person and working on synergistic solutions to problems.
Attraction and chemistry are great, but they come and go. The beauty of friendship is that it persists even when things aren't going well.
A friend is someone whom you can count on to be there when things don't make sense, and whom you can laugh with and even be a bit of a kid with.
When you see a healthy couple together, you'll notice that they behave the way that friends would, while having the component of love and romance as well.
Since healthy relationships allow people to be themselves and to communicate without fear of judgment, the partners are completely transparent with one another.
This means that they're both free to be who they are without fear of "not being good enough" or of being judged by one another.
Transparency also means that each partner is open and genuine about their needs, their dreams, their fears, their desires and their concerns.
The most important difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one is that healthy
relationships are rich with trust, and unhealthy ones are almost completely devoid of trust.
Trust is what makes it possible for open communication, transparency and friendship to work.
Trust cultivates safety and understanding, which provides a healthy environment for each person to be themselves and to give AND receive genuine love.
People who have healthy relationships are playful with one another and have a lot of fun when they are together.
Laughter is one of the greatest blessings of life, and it's a wonderful thing to be able to share with the person whom you are with.
It makes it easier to get through difficult times and it makes the good times even greater.
All of these things are made possible because of the final characteristic of healthy relationships:
A romantic relationship (especially a marriage) requires you to have values in common with your partner.
This means that your priorities and your moral compasses are in harmony and that you make important decisions according to the same criteria.
Without common values, couples will not be in agreement over how they should parent their children, manage money or make the most important decisions about their future.
With common values, though, you can plan for the future and manage your relationship according to the desire to achieve the same goals and to fight the same battles as allies instead of opponents.
So now that you know what to look for, the most important thing for you to do is work on becoming the kind of person YOU must become in order to have a partner who will help you to build a healthy relationship.